


This is How We Begin

by jessiejmatthews



Series: This is How We Survive [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Fix-It, Post-Mount Weather
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-03-07 17:34:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18877930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jessiejmatthews/pseuds/jessiejmatthews
Summary: She isn't sure how much longer she can stay here. She cares for her people, her friends, and her Mother, but they keep looking at her as though she is about to fall apart.She is beginning to wonder herself.





	This is How We Begin

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own any of these characters.

Three days have passed since Mount Weather, but to Clarke it feels as though it has only been hours. The constant nightmares are keeping her awake at night, and the reconstruction has taken up every moment of her time. She isn't sure how much longer she can stay here. She cares for her people, her friends, and her Mother, but they keep looking at her as though she is about to fall apart. 

She is beginning to wonder herself. 

She finds that her thoughts turn more and more to Lexa. At first she can only see the look on Lexa's face when they pulled the lever together. Lexa is the one who made the decision, but Clarke couldn't let her do it alone. The mixture of pain and relief she so clearly remembers on Lexa's face was surely mirrored on her own. They saved their people that night. 

At the cost of thousands. 

It isn't something she will ever forget, and she will bear the guilt of it for the rest of her life. Lexa is the only one who could understand. She wants to seek her out, but she doesn't want to hear the justifications she has come up with in her mind spoken out loud. 

There is something else to consider as well. Lexa had asked her to accompany her to Polis, and she had not even had the time to think about it, much less give her an answer. Now though, it's all she can think about. Clarke has barely seen Lexa in the last couple of days, and she finds thats she misses her. She hasn't been avoiding her, not exactly, but the reconstruction has taken up more of Lexa's time than her own. Catching Lexa's eyes from accross the camp, answering the nonverbal, "are you alright?" with a nod of her own, has been the closest to a conversation that they have had time for. Clarke thinks that maybe going with Lexa to the Capital might be the best thing for her right now. Staring at the ruins around her definitely isn't helping.

Clarke wonders how the brunette is fairing. She wonders if she is taking care of herself. The stoic Commader has a habit of forgetting to eat when she falls into a task. It's this thought that drives her to seek Lexa out in the midmorning hours on the fouth day of reconstruction. 

Clarke is relieved to find that Lexa's tent is unguarded. Heda's warriors are busy with the rebuilding. They work side by side with the Sky People, and Clarke draws strength from the fact that, for the moment, there is peace. She pauses just outside the tent, taking a deep breath. She doesn't know how to tell Lexa what she wants. She isn't even sure that she knows what she wants. She knows she wants to leave with her, but will Lexa take that to mean that Clarke is ready to be with her? 

Is she ready? 

She wonders briefly if she ever will be. Maybe it's okay to start with rushing to the end. She wonders if Lexa will understand that she needs to take things slow. 

"There's only one way to find out," she muses. Clarke cautiously steps into the tent, spotting Lexa immediatly. 

"Ask me again." Clark is surprised to find that her voice is steady despite the shaking of her hands. Lexa looks up from the reconstruction plans in front of her. She straightens up, giving Clarke her full attention. The blonde closes the distance between them in a few steps. "You asked me something the night we took Mountain Weather, she pauses, shuddering involuntarily at name and the images that it invokes in her mind. If Lexa notices she doesn't comment. "I want you to ask me again," Clarke finishes. Lexa takes a step forward, putting Clarke in arms reach, but she doesn't reach out despite the fact that she desperately wants to. Clarke wishes that she would. She hasn't seen the young girl hidden behind the mask of Heda since that night. 

"Would you like to come to the Capital with me Clarke?" Lexa asks her voice barely above a whisper. 

"Yes," Clarke's voice wavers. Lexa catches it immediately, frowning at the tremble she can see in Clarke's hands. 

"Clarke what is it that you are afraid of?" Lexa's question catches her off guard. 

"I want this," Clarke gestures vaguely between them, "I want whatever this is between us, but I'm not sure that I'm ready." 

"I have hopes Clarke," Lexa admits, "but no expectations. I crave your company, but I will not ask for anything that you will not willingly give." The soft words do the trick, and Clarke feels the tension bleed from her. 

"Thank you." The words come out a little more softly than she had intended. Lexa doesn't answer verbally. She gives a single nod, and Clarke takes that as a cue to leave.

"Clarke," Lexa calls to her as she reaches the entrance of the tent. She looks back, noting that Lexa might actually look a little nervous.

It's cute.

"Would you like to share the evening meal with me tonight?" It's not as though they've never shared a meal in Lexa's tent before, but Clarke realizes that that's not exactly what Lexa is asking. 

"I'd love to Commander," Clarke throws a smile over her shoulder, and she's ecstatic to see a small one returned. She wonders vaguly what it would take to bring a real uncensored smile to Lexa's face. 

"I'll see you soon Clarke." The promise in Lexa's words has a smile on her face all the way back to her tent.

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written anything for this Fandom. I hope y'all enjoyed it.


End file.
